Sometimes I want to be Trapped

Maybe someday this blog will be lighter in content. Maybe my heart will be lighter someday for that matter.

I had this thought. I think that I like the feeling of being trapped. It sounds counterintuitive but I think I am right. The reason for this is that when you are trapped, everything becomes clear. Of course there is the initial realization of being trapped and you try and find a way out with blind haste only to find there is none. Once you calm down from this, the situation greatly improves. You realize that you have nothing to do but face what you are up against. You know you can't quit, you know that there is nowhere to go. It is very simple when you are trapped. There aren't alternatives, no backup plans. This may be a stretch but I think college is something that traps us, and we take great comfort in this trap. As long as you are not completely turned off by college you can expect anywhere from 4 years to 8 or ten years of commitment. By recognizing this, you can block off the next half decade or decade and just put your head to the grindstone. You don't have to look up or take a breath. In that regard, and maybe only that one college is easy. You embrace the walls of academia though they are a sort of prison. Even though you may face the most challenging obstacles in your life, you can't help but take them on. It doesn't mean we attack everything in the best way possible, hardly in fact. But in the end I think we do face them.

Then suddenly your college experience is coming to a close and things that you normally would have addressed and overcome seem less of a priority. After all, if you wait just a little while longer you can run from these problems. That I do not like. Having the option to turn tail and run does not sit well with me. When it comes down to it, I don't believe I would choose the right way out. I feel like 9 times out of 10 I'll choose the easy way. I'm kind of afraid of what is going to happen in the spring. I'm not afraid of what decisions I'll make, I believe they will be right. But will I be content with how I handled everything? Will I act as though I am up against a wall with nothing to do but face the music or am I going to just slink away unnoticed? We shall see.