What A Nube

That was embarrassing. Somehow I managed to get halfway through the title of my latest entry and I accidentally hit Ctrl P and posted it. Anyway my original title was
The Mind, Prone To Wander
The mind is a very peculiar thing, don't you think? Take today for example: Mondays are especially busy for me. This one was even more so. I have to juggle class, a meeting, Young Life club, and then school work and research. I gave the talk tonight so most of the day I was trying to prepare for that. But right in the midst of all this chaos, my mind began to go the strangest places. For whatever reason I found myself thinking about funerals. I wasn't thinking about the ceremony so much as the funerals that I attended in high school. I couldn't be sure but 3 funerals in 3 years seems like a lot to me. The first funeral I attended was when I was 16. My parents weren't there, I went with a friend because the funeral was for this guy Travis that we worked with. Needless to say the funeral freaked me out and made me really depressed for a while. It was an open casket, and furthermore to greet the family you had to walk right by it. I was pretty close to losing it. The sight of a body without life in it was too much for me. To see the body without the soul that I had known was a terrible sight to see.
The next funeral was for a friend's dad. Car accident. My buddy Ryan's little brother was learning to drive with the dad and their Jeep rolled. What a tragedy. That really messed up that family. The next year Ryan and I were in the same psychology class which only consisted of 3 projects that were all completely open ended. All 3 of Ryan's projects dealt heavily on the loss of his father. Ryan and I had been playing on sports teams since junior high and so we knew each other decently well. What always surprised me about Ryan was that he would always ask me about things we had talked about months or years prior, wanting genuinely to know how this or that turned out. His memory and the way he showed he cared were amazing. Ryan I just want to say that I'm really proud for how you handled that situation. You had to become the man of the family very quickly and I think you were a great model for you brother and sisters. My heart is with you man.
The last funeral was for another friend's dad. My friend's name was also Ryan, and I know that all funerals are sad, but this one was heartbreaking. Ryan's dad died of a heart attack 1 day before his 44th birthday. Again, Ryan being the oldest instantly became the man of the family, to his 2 younger siblings. I literally have never cried, no sobbed, so much in my entire life. Ryan read this "letter" to his dad at the service and it just broke me down. It still brings tears to my eyes even now writing about it almost 4 years later. Ryan you are very much still on my mind and I can't even come close to knowing what you felt back then, and even now. But one thing is for sure: you were courageous. You stepped up and anyone should be proud to call you a friend. I know that you are still living up to those things you said in that letter to you dad that day.
Even after analyzing my thoughts I can't figure out what made me think of that. It is so strange how things you haven't thought of for so long are at the front of you mind in an instant. What a complicated thing God created when he made us. Well that's all I have on the subject, see you the next time around.

Your Smiling Face

The days are hard
But my eyes are not looking down
You seem so far
But I know you'll come around
Girl don't be shy
I know you can be brave
And if you come it is me that you'll save

Your smile is all that I need
I am restless and I just can't get to sleep
When my days are cloudy
All I want to see
Is your smiling face
Your shining face
Your smiling face

Cause when I look into those eyes
I see love not compromise
And when I see you smile back at me
I know there is hope
I know you will set me free

Your smile is all that I need
I am restless and I just can't get to sleep
When my days are cloudy
All I want to see
Is your smiling face
Your shining face
Your smiling face

Another day and I'm frustrated
I made mistakes and I just can't take it
I feel like I'm losing control
My soul is feeling weak
You are what I lean on
You are what I seek
Where are you I wonder
The outlook now seems bleak

Because when I need you the most, you're not there
Your face is a ghost and you don't care
And I've paid the cost, I've laid my heart bare
Baby meet me there, please meet me there

Because your smile is all that I need
I am restless and I just can't get to sleep
When my days are cloudy
All I want to see
Is your smiling face
Your shining face
Your smiling face


When I finished this I was both excited and disappointed at the same time. I was excited because I think I can actually put this to music and make into an actual song. I was disappointed because this seems so simple/cliche/weak sauce. But maybe writing something simple can help me build on song writing which is something I really want to get better at. We'll see what happens, I don't think I'll be a Garrett Gue any time soon though. He is a jerk for being so talented(from above) but you should check him out.

A Day in Passing

A guy spits
Pompoms on hats bob
Rain drips off of coats
High heels clicking on the sidewalk
A girl rushes to get out of the weather
A biker pedals hard uphill
Some are chilled to the bone,
others seem proud of their rain boots
An artist protects her work from the weather

Hoods and umbrellas keep people hidden
Eyes on the wet pavement
Scowls, frowns, and furrowed brows are worn by all
Ducks wander from their home to new puddles formed
Every building exterior seems to sweat, the window panes cry
Shoe soles squeak on the floor, the rustle of rain gear
The collective groan as the rain carries on
Faces brightened at the smell of free food,
and the warmth of a church
A collage of leaves plucked prematurely from their branches lay on the ground
The temperature changes and snow threatens
Pant cuffs and floor mats are soaked through
Couches and chairs are packed with the weary and tired
Coffee and books get special attention as do blankets, furnaces and fires

Fall finally displays its beauty, however masked in gloom and cold

Wow

I think that my title really sums up my week in one word. It is debatable whether or not this was the worst week of my college career thus far. On average I got between 3 and 4 hours of sleep a night, with fairly disappointing results. I didn't finish what I had set out to and ended up withdrawing from a lab I was taking. I had two test to take and the majority of studying was done in the hour before I took them. So wow embodies the nearly sleepless, frustrating, no fun, no face time with friends part of my week. The other side of wow that fits is how much fun I had tonight. It seemed like a pretty open night with only some general plans. But I ended up going to this thing called Midnight Mania that MSU puts on. Basically it is a free event, more geared at freshman, but all welcome. There were raffles for skis and passes, free pizza and Rockstar energy drink. Games ranged from Halo 3 to inflatable toys to chess games. They had several tournaments: volleyball, poker, dunk competition, etc. The whole night was so random, the strangest yet sweetest mix of activities you could put together. I got to hang out with a bunch of my friends who, because of this last week, I feel like I haven't seen in forever. But I also got to meet some new people who were awesome. I seriously can't think of any other venue where you could be seen playing polish horseshoes, honing your hoola hoop skills, showing off your lack of coordination at DDR, and solving a Rubik's Cube for speed. I really wish more people would have taken advantage of this night, but you have to forget about being self-conscious and just get lost for a while. But seriously, I had so much fun and really had no intention of being there for about 5 hours. It was such a blast. A perfect way to end the week. Wow.