Bad Timing

Well here I am again: the victim of bad timing
This is quickly becoming a cruel joke
Oh, you want to leave? Are you sure? How about...now?
Some piece of me thinks this came about the moment I decided to leave
In any case it's messing with me head

When am I going to be there?
When it becomes easy? or when I find someone worth the struggle?
It seems that you never know that before the struggle begins
And the craziest thing: I think I'm more afraid that this could be something amazing
Why in the world would I be afraid of that?
Who hopes for anything less than that?
This isn't exactly good for someone who can't ignore the questions "what if? what might have been?"
Nor is it good for someone who in the past has acted without regard for what it will do to their heart

I also wonder if there will ever be any perfect situation
I could end up waiting my whole life for that to come
But what is the converse of that: changing all your plans for something that is uncertain
-Neither extreme sounds very good, so what is the balance?

I feel dizzy, but I'm not indifferent or indecisive...but I very well may have no clue.